When I first built it in 2003/2004 (with a beautiful, uh, “Chromed” design), it was built in straight (table-based, awful) HTML, using iframes to manage parts of the site that were found on many pages, such as the navigation.

Over the next two years split the website into a folio hosted on my domain and a blog (called Seven Weeks More) which was powered by Blogger.

Eventually I brought the blog and the folio back together, got rid of the 7wm moniker, and rebuilt the site based on Wordpress. Twice, actually, once [like this][4] in late 2007 and again as you see it now in early 2008. There was actually a third design based on Wordpress, but it never went live.

I’ve always used my site as my playground for figuring out new techniques in HTML, CSS, Javascript and PHP, and the Wordpress templates that power this site are incredibly complex, with a most categories having their own slightly different templates stacked upon a base template that incorporates several plugins to work. This makes any changes to the design very involved, and very time-consuming.

However, I enjoy writing, and part of the reason I moved the site onto Wordpress in the first place (apart from the challenge of figuring out how to work with Wordpress) was that it provided a pretty simple, straightforward, and most of all quick way of being able to write and then publish online content.

I assumed that if I made the process of creating content online as efficient as possible, it would encourage me to write more often. I was wrong. In the past two years, I’ve updated my site just eight times. Clearly, the speed at which I can create new content is not the limiting factor.

That realisation, coupled with an aching desire to redesign and rebuild the site (a lot has changed in the two years since I first designed and built the current template) has resulted in a decision that I’m kind of excited about.

Starting next year, I will be moving away from templated, CMSed management of andrew.harrison.org and will custom-build each post, including maintaining a static home page. This will allow me to “redesign” the site as I see fit, whenever I want without having to go to the trouble of redesigning an entire website around it.

I have a vague plan in mind, but for the most part, it will be an experiment in design based purely on content.

I’m heading overseas in a week, and I hope to write about our journey whilst over there, so until then, I will leave the Wordpress site up and running until I am home.

I plan on backporting (foreporting?) some of the more recent posts into the new “system” to start off with, but will also hopefully be creating new contentto go along with it sooner rather than later.

Until then, though, I’ll be planning how best to move forward with this crazy idea.

It’s about 1am, and I’m rather drunk but sitting at a tram stop in High Street waiting for a tram that won’t arrive for at least 17 minutes. There is a car pumping some rave-style electro crap but it seems that it will u-turn shortly and I will be free of such abomination.

The pedestrian crossing next to me is clicking, but apparently the traffic engineers saw fit to make the clicking mechanism on each length of this four-sided crossing click out of time with the others.

Let me tell you about my night, for it has been an exercise in chaos theory if ever I’ve seen one. Most of it is fresh in my mind, but for the sake of chronology, I’ve referred to my Twitter timeline for details.

It has been an excellent night. We got word from a client that we’ve spoken to literally every day for the past three months (either by email or phone) that he felt that we’ve not been contacting him enough. That was at 3:30pm. By 4pm we’d replied, and cracked open the beer. Within the hour we were two drinks in.

At around 6pm I left work (after much bitching about said client) and headed into the city. I arrived about 6:45, meeting a fair few people (all of which I’ve made through Twitter, though a lot of whom I’d consider friends) at The Lounge in Swanston Street.

I had a pint of beer, though it was not technically a pint as The Lounge does not serve pints, only schooners. The next round involved a jug of beer between three of us, and subsequent rounds involved the same.

At some point between the second and third round – before dusk, as it was still light when we left – we decided to embark on a journey of crêpe procurement. Though the jourmey was almost entirely taken for the sole purpose of making Tim jealous, these were no ordinary crêpes. They were exciting crêpes, crêpes filled with a literal slice of cheesecake (of which Tristan, Josh and Lindsey had one each) and blueberries with ice cream (that was mine) and ham and cheese (the savoury choice of Mark).

Upon returning to The Lounge, however, we discovered their crêpe policy (no crêpes allowed) and as a result sat outside in Swanston street whilst consuming them. During such consumption, we noticed a lot of people we knew missing the door to the venue they were intending upon, despite our presence outside the venue. We mocked them amongst ourselves, finished our crêpes, and headed back upstairs (except Tristan, he left at that point).

Once back upstairs, another jug of beer was purchased and consumed. Within the half hour of finishing said jug, Kath – who is convinced that “seakla” is pronounced “see-a-kla” rather than “see-kla” in the same way suziam is convinced that “suziam” is pronounced “suz-I-am” rather than “suz-ee-am”, but I digress – requested we switch to cider, and so we complied.

It was around this time that I became aware of @drunkadnrw, an excellent Twitter account set up to mock my tweets when drunk with such clarity and perfection that it could really only be @bobearth.

The next two or so hours are a blur, but I know that at some point Josh retrieved the chocolate coinage from my bag (there is none left) and my camera was at a similar time removed from my bag and used.

After two more jugs of tasty, tasty cider, during which I discovered Liv, and then she, Adam and Steph went home, I too decided to call it a night. It was around 11pm when I left, I believe. An appropriate end to an excellent night.

It was whilst waiting at the tram stop that I noticed the flailing arms of the rather stupefied bystander attempting to hail a taxi with no such luck. I asked him his destination, to which he responded “the man”.

“Really?” I responded, to which he replied “Yes, Prahran”. Time for a proper dialogue, I suspected. “Well, I live in Armadale, whereabouts in Prahran are you headed?” The details are not important; suffice it to say that we discovered he lives approximately 500 metric literal metres from my house. “The tram for which I await takes us almost exactly halfway between our houses,” and so we sat and waited for the number six to arrive.

It was at this point that I noticed his burger, fries and coke, no doubt purchased from the Hungry Jack’s across the road from the tram stop. Whist we waited for the tram we conversed, discussing how our nights had been. He ate the burger. The tram arrived.

Once aboard, he told me his name was Mo, but it was actually Beau. Within fifteen minutes or so he had spilled his drink all over the floor of the tram. He was convinced my name was Madryk. We carried on. Tom, who was sitting across from us on the tram, enjoyed our pantomime.

It was somewhere in South Melbourne that the evening’s events took a turn from bizarre to outlandishly crazy.

At a stop at some point between the Botanic Gardens and the Domain Interchange, a group of people boarded the tram. We would eventually find out they were housemates. Seven housemates; a Canadian guy and girl, two French girls, a French guy and two Korean girls.

They did not take much notice of us until they asked MoMo the time, which would have been fine, had he not spilled his chips whilst tilting his wrist to check his watch. The chips were lost in a river of Fanta (I had originally assumed it was Coke – Mo/Beau made a point of explaining that it was not).

It was around then that Beau/Mo realised that the two girls were from France, and started speaking to them in terribly conjugated French (Mrs. Lowe would not be impressed). I piped in, explaining that I’m heading to France in a couple of weeks to drive around the South. They told me the North is much more fun.

After ruining my holiday plans for a few more minutes, Beau-Mo received a phone call, which he answered in Japanese. The ears of the Korean girls pricked up, and whilst dancing around the river of seemingly ever-increasing Fanta sticky-fying the floor, they asked if he spoke Japanese, which led him to the logical conclusion that they themselves were in fact Japanese. The resulting three-language conversation was highlighted and summarised when one of the girls said (in English) that he “speaks alone.”

Once we had turned into High Street, we established that the housemates were going to Chapel Street. I told them they were headed in the right direction, and they invited us to come along. BeauBeau declined, I said sure, and invited Tom (the observer mentioned earlier) to come too. He happily accepted.

As we got off the tram at the corner of High and Chapel Street, it became clear that only a few people in the group actually realised that Tom and I were coming along. Once the others were informed, they started chanting my name as we got off the tram.

The Canadian girl told me they were trying to find the Irish pub with two levels (Bridie O’Reilly’s). She also told me that “Melbournian” is pronounced “Mel-bore-ni-an” not “Mel-bur-ni-an”. I told her she was wrong and that she was being obnoxious like an American. Then we reminisced about Corner Gas and all was well.

I’ve had experience showing immigrants to the pub (about six months ago Sam and I picked up 5 Irish backpackers on the same tram, also heading to Bridies) so we headed off down Chapel Street. As we walked, the French guy tried to guess where I was from, refusing to believe that I was born in a hospital about 7km away, grew up in a house about 4km away, and currently live about 2km away.

At some point in the 200-odd metres between High Street and Revolver, a straggler on crutches joined us. He had a broken leg, much the same as mine (he even had the same medical boot!). He was surprisingly nimble on his crutches until he was stopped by the bouncer outside Revolver. The French guy told me that the bouncer stopped him because he was either “too British, or not British enough”.

It was around this time that we lost Tom. It was shortly thereafter that we stopped to speak to a group of people in the street. One was wearing a kilt. When pressed, he told me (in a rather poor Scottish accent, considering he was of Scot descent) that they were out celebrating Uni graduation – the formal event was the reason for the kilt.

I then wandered off to call Sam to tell her about the events that had transpired. She’s in a car driving from Copenhagen to Amsterdam, so she didn’t answer her phone. I left her a long message, during which time the housemates started walking again. I gave them directions to the pub and told them I’d catch up.

I soon realised that I was really far away from them, and upon seeing a test sign decided it was too complicated to catch up, and that I’d rather go home to bed.

And so ended my night, after beer, crépes, cider, a neighbour, two French girls, a French guy, two Korean girls, two Canadians, an observer, a river of Fanta, a straggler on crutches, a guy in a kilt and a test sign.

I’ve had to finish writing this in the morning, as I was struggling to stay awake after an hour of writing it after I got home to bed.

Come Sunday afternoon, I’m done:

It’s called (rather imaginatively) “Movie Times” and you can see it at http://andrew.harrison.org/movies http://movietimesapp.com.

You can search for cinemas based on your location, or you can type in a suburb if you’d like. Movie Times will show you a list of cinemas and the movies they’re showing, or you can look at a list of movies and the cinemas at which they’re playing. Hit the little marker pin to see where that particular cinema is located.

It’s designed for iOS, but in theory it should work reasonably well in any Webkit browser. It works best as a stand-alone app – hit the + button in Safari Mobile, and then “Add to Homescreen”.

Enjoy.

Update: Movie Times is featured and a staff pick on the Apple Web Apps site! (screenshot, for posterity) Also, there’s now a Movie Times Twitter account.

Technical Stuff: It was built in about 20 hours (on Saturday morning and Sunday) using HTML5, CSS3, JQuery and some PHP magic. Data from Google Movies, title’s set in Bebas by Flat-it, icons from Glyphish and the heavy lifting is based on
Google Showtime Grabber
by Bas van Dorst.

We did a very quick beta session on Twitter on Saturday afternoon (thanks @Justin_Liu, @hillank, @thebookfreak58, @bobearth, @tcn33 and @bed42), and with the handful of suggestions and bugs reported, I fixed it all up, slapped on a proper UI, and it was launched about 5:30 Sunday Afternoon.

Bug reports and feature requests (I have a few of my own) should be sent via the contact form or on Twitter.

3 years later, here are some graphs (click for bigger):

That’s my “tweet-rate”. As you can see, it’s been pretty consistent since around the 2-year mark, hovering between 11 and 13. Shockingly consistent, in fact: in the last year, the highest difference in my tweet-rate has been 0.85 tweets per 1,000.

Above is the amount I’ve tweeted over time. I had 8,900 tweets a year ago, and have tweeted 4,200 times since then. That’s 11.5 tweets per day, every day for the past year. It took me about 2 months from my 2nd anniversary to get the 1,100 tweets to reach the 10,000 milestone, which I did on July 19th, 2009. Another 2 months or so later I hit 11,000 and in December last year I posted my 12,000th tweet – this little gem.

I hit 13,000 tweets last week on May 11th. It was the first tweet from my iPad, which I received (early, thanks to a friend who was in the US and kind enough to bring one back for me) that day.

At the time of this posting, I have 883 Followers (up 124 or 14% since a year ago), am following 736 (up 14 or 2%) and have tweeted 13,114 times (up 4200 or 32% since last year).

You might also be interested in last year’s stats. I’ve been using Josh Sharp’s Twitterscribe since November 2008 to keep track of my tweets. If you’re crazy and want to read them all, I’ve uploaded a snapshot that’s up-to-date until today.

• I originally registered as @HarrisonX. Some time in 2008 I switched to @adnrw.

If you’re a three user like myself, you may know that when you sign up, you’re assigned an @three.com.au email address. This is a regular email address you can use on any device to send and receive emails. What you may not know is that three’s voicemail system emails you voicemail messages to that address, with the voicemails attached as .WAV files. The service is free (except for the data it uses) and a good alternative to calling up the voicemail number and working through the voice prompts..

For the last year or so, I’ve had my three email account set up on my iPhone. I haven’t minded using it, but it’s a little inconvenient, particularly because it only works reliably whilst on 3’s data network (ie: not on Wifi).

So, for the last couple of months, I’ve been developing a web app aimed at making listening to your voicemail on 3 a little easier. It’s called 3 Voicemail (original, I know) and it looks like this:

I’ve had a few beta testers playing with it over the last few weeks, and it’s still not 100% complete, but I’m happy enough with it’s state at the moment to release it to a wider audience. For the moment it only retrieves and plays back the messages, but more features will be added whenever I have the time.

If you’d like to use it, follow the instructions below. If you are using it, and have any feedback at all, whether it be “something’s broken” or “I’d like to be able to do X” please let me know.

Get Ready

Before you start, you’ll need your 3 email address [usually firstname.lastnameX@three.com.au] and your voicemail PIN. (Your 3 email address can be found by logging into My3 and going to My Details -> Service Details.)

NOTE: Your voicemail PIN is [probably] different to your account PIN [the account PIN is the one you use to login to my3] so make sure you’ve got the correct one.

Obviously you’ll need some voicemails to listen to, so get a friend/coworker/loved one to call you up an leave a message.

Please also be aware that:

1. Disclaimer: This is in beta, so I can’t guarantee this won’t destroy your iPhone. It shouldn’t, in fact I’m pretty sure it can’t, as it’s just a web app, so it’s like going to any other web page. It hasn’t destroyed mine yet, so I think you should be fine. Anyway, I take no responsibility for anything that happens with your phone as a result of using this app. As a result of my crappy PHP skills, I also can’t guarantee that your information is 100% safe using this app. As far as I can tell, it’s reasonably safe, but If you are at all concerned, don’t use it.

2. Privacy: Usernames and passwords are stored as local cookies on your iPhone, so I don’t see either of those. Your voicemail messages are downloaded as .wav files to my server. I will eventually set up a function to delete them automatically from my server [but not the email server] once the’ve been listened to, but at the moment they stay on my server until I actively delete them. Obviously they take up a lot of room on the server, so I’m deleting them at least twice a week. You have my word that I won’t listen to them, but if you have any privacy concerns, probably don’t use this app.

Instructions

1. Grab your iPhone, open safari, and go to http://andrew.harrison.org/3mail. You can use Wifi or 3G, 3 Voicemail will work with both.
2. You’ll be prompted to add it as a home screen app, so hit the + button on the Safari toolbar, and then “Add to Home Screen”
3. Tap the new icon on the home screen, and the app will launch. Type in your 3 email address and your voicemail PIN, and hit “Onward”. You’ll be taken to the voicemail list.
4. From that list, tap on a message to listen to it. It will take a few seconds to download the message to my web server, and then it will take you to the Quicktime player, where it will download the message to your phone. This can take time, depending on how fast your connection is, and how big the message is. I don’t have any control over it once the Quicktime player appears, so be patient.
5. Once the message has been played back, it will automatically log you back in and show the list of messages again.

When you’re done, you can just quit the app and it will automatically log you in the next time you launch it. If you don’t want that to happen, just hit the logout button before you quit the app, and it will prompt you for your password next time you launch it.

That’s all there is to it at the moment. I have some features planned for the future, and am actively developing it whenever I have spare time. If you have a feature you’d like to see included, feel free to contact me and let me know. If it’s feasible and I think it’s a good idea, I’ll put it on the drawing board.

Once again, any feedback at all is appreciated and encouraged. I’d love to hear what you think of the app, and definitely want to know if you encounter any problems. I’m maintaining a bug list below, so check if the problem you’re having is a known issue.

Known issues

• Non-voicemail messages won’t show, however the messagelist will be blank (rather than showing the “no messages” notice on the login screen) if there are no voicemail messages, but some non-voicemail messages in the inbox.

Before 3 became an official iPhone carrier, I started playing with functions on the iPhone to enable features and automate settings for use on 3. I’ve since created a few different bits and pieces to play with and enhance the user experience whilst using an iPhone on 3.

Contents

1. 3 Voicemail App
2. Simple My3 Usage
3. 3 Carrier Bundle
4. Enable Tethering and MMS (No longer working in 3.1+)

1. 3 Voicemail App

I recommend you read the Full post, as it contains some important privacy information. The quick instructions are as follows:

1. Grab your iPhone, open safari, and go to http://andrew.harrison.org/3mail. You can use Wifi or 3G, 3 Voicemail will work with both.
2. You’ll be prompted to add it as a home screen app, so hit the + button on the Safari toolbar, and then “Add to Home Screen”
3. Tap the new icon on the home screen, and the app will launch. Type in your 3 email address and your voicemail PIN, and hit “Onward”. You’ll be taken to the voicemail list.
4. From that list, tap on a message to listen to it. It will take a few seconds to download the message to my web server, and then it will take you to the Quicktime player, where it will download the message to your phone. This can take time, depending on how fast your connection is, and how big the message is. I don’t have any control over it once the Quicktime player appears, so be patient.
5. Once the message has been played back, it will automatically log you back in and show the list of messages again.

2. Simple My3 Usage

Update

I’ve made a couple of changes to this. You should delete and re-add the Home Screen icon to see the changes. I’m fiddling with this as part of a related, more ambitious project, so stay tuned.

If you’re on 3 with an iPhone, you almost certainly have a data pack. If so, you may also find it frustrating that the My3 portal shows call cap usage and data usage on two different screens, requiring 3 clicks to get between them.

To make it easier, I’ve created a simple page that pulls in both screens [in iframes] and displays them one after the other. It’s also got an icon specified so you can add it as a webclip to your iPhone’s home screen. It will only work when you’re on your mobile data [not on wifi] and will login automagically the same way it does when you go to My3 normally.

3. The 3 Carrier Bundle

Update

iTunes 9/iPhoneOS 3.1 disabled unsigned carrier bundles (or something to that effect – I’m not quite sure what actually changed) so I’ve updated my bundle to v6.4, which seems to get around the problem. I’ll be keeping my bundle at 2 full versions higher than the official bundle from now on, as that seems to make everything keep working.

Apple has allowed authorised carriers to create carrier-specific settings for APNs [internet access points], voicemail, carrier logos, call diversions etc. as a single package called carrier bundles. These bundles are essentially .zip files with the .ipcc extension, and contain images and property list files with the required settings. 3’s carrier bundle disables some features that are nice to have, so I’ve created my own carrier bundle that re-enables these features. Follow the instructions below to install.

Instructions for Mac are as follows. Windows has similar instructions, but step 1 has a different command which can be found here (I can’t vouch that this works, I don’t have a Windows computer/iPhone to test it on).

1. [iTunes 8.2+/iPhone 3.0+ only] Quit iTunes, fire up Terminal and put in the following command: defaults write com.apple.iTunes carrier-testing -bool TRUE and hit enter.
2. Download the Carrier Bundle and unzip it, you should have an .ipcc file.
3. Connect your iPhone to your computer and launch iTunes, then select your iPhone in the sidebar.
4. Hold option and click the “check for update” button and select the .ipcc file. iTunes will load it to the phone. You may need to reboot or remove/replace your SIM/toggle aeroplane mode to see the changes.

4. Enable Tethering and MMS (Redundant and no longer supported)

Update

This method is unnecessary as the carrier bundle above now includes these settings. You only need it if you do not want the rest of the goodies the carrier bundle comes with. THIS METHOD NO LONGER WORKS – UNINSTALL THE PROFILE IN iPhone OS 3.1+

The following solution will allow you to tether your computer to your iPhone and also send MMSes:

1. Fire up MobileSafari on your iPhone and go to the .mobileconfig file directly
2. It will open up an Install Profile screen, telling you it’s going to Enable Tethering. Tap Install.
3. It’ll tell you it’s not authenticated, don’t worry too much about it, it’s just that apparently I’m not an actual mobile phone carrier according to Apple. Hit Install again.
4. It will do its thing, then after about 10 seconds it will have installed. Hit “Done” in the top right. It will take you back to Safari.
5. On your iPhone, go into Settings -> General -> Network, you now should have a new option for “Internet Tethering”. Follow the instructions to set up your Mac for tethering.

MMS Settings need to be added manually as follows:

Go to Settings -> General -> Network -> Cellular Data Network

Set up as follows:

• APN: 3services
• Username: [blank]
• Password: [blank]
• MMSC: http://mmsc.three.net.au:10021/mmsc
• MMS Proxy: 10.176.57.25:8799
• MMS Max Message Size: [blank]

A note on customisation

I welcome all feedback and feature requests, however I won’t be customising the carrier bundle or the voicemail app for any other carriers. If you’d like to adapt my methodology for use on other carriers, I’m happy to answer specific questions that you may have.

This post is now here solely for posterity, and will not be updated in the future. I’ve combined all my 3/iPhone related tools into a single entry that contains all the various bits and pieces of information you need to use them.

Update – June 18th

Enabling .ipcc loading

Enterprising Mac users have figured out that a simple defaults command in the terminal can enable .ipcc files to be loaded. The command is: defaults write com.apple.iTunes carrier-testing -bool TRUE and it means that you can install my 3 carrier bundle. I haven’t yet updated it to include the tethering/MMS instructions but will do so shortly.

.mobileconfig generators etc.

Additionally, it seems that the .mobileconfig method is the way to get around that “we’re going to charge for tethering” bullshit various carriers around the world are spouting. There’s a bunch of already-generated .mobileconfig files at help.benm.at that will let you download them straight to your phone, and someone has built a custom generator at http://tetherme.lstoll.net/. A few people have asked if I can create other files for other carriers. Because I can’t test on any other carrier, I can’t guarantee these files will work, and because of that I don’t want to create them. Use one of the sites above to get one for your carrier.

Thanks

Also, thanks to all the people that have written in both from the contact form and on twitter to say thanks for the .mobileconfig file. I replied to the first few emails, but I’m a bit inundated at the moment so I can’t guarantee I’ll get through all of them.

Enabling Tethering

In iTunes 8.2, Apple disabled the ability to load custom .ipcc files – a set of instructions for setting up your iPhone for a particular carrier. The files also allows the carrier to enable and disable features such as MMS, data roaming, and tethering, and set their carrier logo etc.

[I created a carrier bundle for 3 a few months ago (will now only load on pre-8.2 iTunes or if you've jailbroken)]

As a result of this, it’s impossible to enable tethering on Three, an unsupported carrier, as the feature is disabled by default.

The solution: .mobileconfig. These files – which can contain similar information to .ipcc files, but for specific functions – are allowed by Apple, and are executed on the phone, not through iTunes.

I’ve created a .mobileconfig file containing instructions for enabling tethering on 3.

Instructions

1. Fire up MobileSafari and go to the .mobileconfig file directly OR Download the 3Tether mobileconfig file, unzip it, and email it to yourself, then open up the email on your iPhone and tap the attachment.
2. It will open up an Install Profile screen, telling you it’s going to Enable Tethering. Tap Install.
3. It’ll tell you it’s not authenticated, don’t worry too much about it, it’s just that apparently I’m not an actual mobile phone carrier according to Apple. Hit Install again.
4. It will do its thing, then after about 10 seconds it will have installed. Hit “Done” in the top right. It will take you back to Mail/Safari.
5. On your iPhone, go into Settings -> General -> Network, you now should have a new option for “Internet Tethering”. Turn it on. It will turn bluetooth on if it’s not already.
6. On your Mac, go to the bluetooth menu, and set up your phone as a new device. Follow the prompts – you DO want to set it up as a PAN device.
7. Plug your iPhone into your Mac with the USB cable. You should be prompted to set up a new network device. It’ll be pretty straightforward.

That’s it. If you want to connect via USB, just plug the phone in and it should start straight away. To connect with Bluetooth, just select the iPhone from the bluetooth menu item and select “Connect to Network”.

Update

MMS Settings need to be added manually as follows:

Go to Settings -> General -> Network -> Cellular Data Network

Set up as follows:

• APN: 3services
• Username: [blank]
• Password: [blank]
• MMSC: http://mmsc.three.net.au:10021/mmsc
• MMS Proxy: 10.176.57.25:8799
• MMS Max Message Size: [blank]

Note: You may need to restart your phone/remove and replace your SIM/toggle Aeroplane Mode to get the changes to work.

1. Everything in the future is EXTREMELY loud.
2. There are fires everywhere, all the time, even in places uninhabited for extended periods.
3. Despite the decimation of humanity, Sony [the Vaio line in particular] appears to be thriving.
4. If your name is John Connor, people in the future will say it over and over again ad nauseum.
5. If your skeleton has been replaced by metal, but not your internal organs, those organs can be donated.
6. Even if you have a cold, hard, steel skeleton, you will still be warm enough for girls to cuddle you.

__&__     ”I’ve fallen on the ice and I can’t get up.”
H_O_H     ”There’s a boulder on the rugby pitch. Someone call the police!”
~~\o/~~     ”I see a drowning man, but I can’t swim, so he will have to drown.”
>-ii-< iiii     "Go fetch mother, a giant crab is attacking the penguins."
~n=n”- IIIII     ”There’s a wolf at my door and my house is made of sticks. What the hell was I thinking?”

More emoticons here. Other noteworthy posts worth reading over there are 307 (about mail tiles), 306 (about fixing sports) and 309 (about time travel). There are probably more good ones, but I have work to do so you’ll have to find them on your own.